Visiting so many patients close to death, I wrote this poem to give voice to those who experienced their coming death in ecstasy.
Between Life and Life
by Dorothy Okray
Fallen spirit, pierced soul, a life of broken promise,
I see a hidden world with nothing but destruction,
approaching destruction.
I’m alone with destruction that’s approaching to destroy me.
A malignant demon caught me terribly. Caught all of me.
Agonizing existence, love and hope are foolish shadows.
With an anguish of desire for all I’ve been given,
yet may not have, nor ever know again,
I look upon despair and am afraid. I’m mortally afraid.
I long for more bodily pain to blot this torment out.
Tortured, desolate, swept away from all my anchors,
Great tides of destiny bear me beyond the dark,
concealing wall of greater mystery.
Ah, there, a shaft of love and knowledge like a light
pierces a way to me.
There, across the barriers, between life and life.
Peace beyond peace, tremulous joy, the cold, crude gleam
of sorrow and pain flickers, then fades and I’m free.
I’m totally free.
Suffering is but a moment in this paradise of bliss.
Seduced by the sacred caress of eternity,
I look no more to the life I loved so well.
Potent Mystery knows my name and calls to me.
A hunger greater than any desire for this life replies as
freedom enters on eternal wings.
In matchless ecstasy it fastens the life I know to the life
I have yet to know.
Here, where I have union with God's Spirit Divine
Life becomes so very cherished when one awakens to its fragility:
CANCER
By Dorothy Okray
Wakened from a dream of health,
the sinister shape on the ultrasound screen
stares with menacing meaning toward the unseen.
The darkness within is discovered.
Feeding terror to the mind,
the traitorous body is being consumed
with visions of pain and eventual doom.
The darkness within could be
spreading.
Taking less than an hour,
with sterile gloved hands and whispering voices
the surgeon announces the tumor and choices
The darkness within is malignant.
POST-OP FEAR
By Dorothy Okray
It’s a new wild journey.
A dark stallion racing for the finish line.
Restrained, this first time.
Will he continue his chase to the dreaded end
Or be content in the pasture.
Waiting.